The reader won’t tell Sheamus what’s bothering her.
Pairing: Sheamus x Reader (Y/N)
Warnings/Promises: angst, talk of non-smut
Word Count: I have no idea, wrote this on the fly
Note: Wrote something I needed to hear. Thought maybe a few of you out there could benefit from it too. Reactions and feedback much appreciated.
Through the dark in the room, you could hear every puff of your breath, every rustle of the trees outside your window, and every squeak of the bed as you tried to find a comfortable position.
Never enough. Always in the way. I can’t give him what he wants.
The pillow beneath your face was wet where it had once been cool. There wasn’t even a point to wipe away a single tear. Not that you had the energy anyway.
When the door creaked open, you shut your eyes feigning sleep. The sound of stride let you know it wasn’t Alexa, who had agreed to be your roommate.
“Y/N? Are ya asleep, lass?” He waited for your reply. If you hadn’t forgotten to breathe in your attempt to remain absolutely still, maybe he would have just gone to bed. “Y/N,” he sighed. The bed dipped beside you and his large warm hand rubbed over your back where it was uncovered by the sheets. He lightly tugged on your shoulder until you rolled over to look at him. The light he turned on blinded you for a second, then all you could see was him. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
How could you?
Everything you could say about how inadequate you felt for him, or how your blood froze and burned when he touched you, or the all the blinding fear about your future, it would only make him blame himself. For every time he wasn’t there to comfort you. To make you smile. To hold you. You wanted to tell him it wasn’t his fault. But your fears would only solidify his blame.
“I’m just tired.”
Sheamus shook his head. “That may be true, but that is not everything.” He cupped your face and ran his thumb up and across your cheekbone. “You can tell me anything.”
You bit your lip. It was all there. At the tip of your tongue. Waiting. Maybe if you drew blood it would wash away what he deserved to hear.
“Y/N?”
“I can’t,” you finally blurted. “I can’t hurt you.” You tried to roll back over, but Sheamus’s gentle grip on your shoulder made it so you could only turn your head. “Let’s try in the morning.”
“You are always going to say that.” Sheamus looked off into the darkness outside the window. “What is that verse your dad quoted at me the last time we met? ‘Don’t let the sun set on your anger.’ Whether or not if you’re mad at me or you think I’m mad at you, it’s already night. And I’m not going to sleep until I know what is tumbling around in your mind.”
You swallowed the dry taste in your mouth.
“I can’t give you what you deserve.”
His brow furrowed.
“You deserve,” you tried again, “you deserve someone who can take care of your… needs.”
His eyes closed as he realized. “I don’t need anything like that. You told me on our very first date that sex was off the table. Unless I liked you so much that I put a ring on ya,” he chuckled. He sighed when you didn’t even smile. “You laid your boundaries. And I am not going to cross them.”
“But I want to,” you choked out. “In that pause when we are standing so close to one another and I can almost feel your heart beating, I want to. I get so close and my heart feels like it’s soring and crashing all at once. But something always keeps me back. At this point, I don’t know if it’s my faith or my fear. Or both. If I give you that piece of me and something breaks down the line, will I lose you and myself?” The tears were running freely now. Hot and blurring your vision. “There’s like an unshakable weight every time we’re out together. When we smile at each other in our way and everyone shares that look with each other.”
“Then don’t look at them,” Sheamus said. “I stopped looking a long time ago. All I see when we share those looks is you. All I see right now… is you.” He gave your hand a squeeze.
Your chest hurt so tight you almost wished it would burst. When the sob finally ripped from your throat you curled up into his chest. You twisted the fabric of his shirt around your fingers. Breathed deeply to feel his hands on your back better.
“I can’t give all of myself to you.”
“Then don’t. I am perfectly, blissfully over the moon with what I have right now.” He angled your face up towards his. “You. In my arms. Telling me your worries so I can do what I can to show you how much I love you.”
You pulled his face down to kiss you. You didn’t want to breathe; you wanted to tell him how thankful you were that he was listening even though you had no more words. He rocked back and forth with you. His warm hands cupped your face, wiping away the tears that had turned to ice on your flushed skin. Your fingers worked their way under his sleeves, feeling how his shoulders flexed under your touch. You shivered and retracted your touch to stay only over the fabric.
Sheamus leaned back and removed his shirt. “You can feel me, lass. You can leave your clothes on, and if it makes you uncomfortable I can put mine back on.” He pressed his cheek against yours and whispered into your ear, “it’s okay, Y/N.”
“My nails are long. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
When you were finished making out several minutes later, you curled into Sheamus’s chest. His breathing steadied, steadying you. He ran his fingers through your hair, muttering soothing things in Irish. Before long, you were asleep.
The next morning he left you asleep and met Seth in the hotel work-out room.
“Damn, Sheamus.” He nodded at the bright red hash marks on his shoulders peeking out from under his tank top. “How hard did you guys go last night?”
“We didn’t. You know we’re not like that.”
Seth shook his head and continued prepping the weights. “You know, even if you would ask her father for permission next week it’s going to take six months at least before the wedding is done. And it’ll probably be closer to a year.”
“I know. I’m not worried.” Sheamus grunted as he started some bicep curls. “It doesn’t matter if I ask him in a month or in another year.”
Seth waited for him to say more. “And why is that?” he prompted.
Sheamus grinned. “When she’s ready, then I’m ready. Until then, I can wait.”
Forever Tags: @blondekel77 @laochbaineann @hallemichelles @lavitabella87 @ramblingsofabourbondrinker @tinyelfperson @zuni21798
Sheamus/WWE Tags: @a-home-for-stray-stories @crossfit-princess-sethie-boo @flightofthefantasies @kaleywwefan @mother-forker @neversatisfiedgirl @racheo91 @roman-reigns-princess @savmontreal @secretagentfangirl @thetherianthropydaily @wwe-smutfics @1dluver13xx @barioncethlenn @coldmidnightlights @deidrelovessheamus @denise8691 @dirtydeeds-spear-curbstomp @jessica91073 @laraneia @ledmemangociana @shayscorpio @thessawea @wwesmutdonedirtcheap
Our Deepest Desires 